NickLivesHere

18 Mar 2008

2008-03-19T01:06:00.002+08:00

There's an indescribable urge to trash everything. Erase everything. Delete everything.

And start re-building everything from the ground up.

06 Mar 2008

2008-03-06T10:44:00.002+08:00

Countdown to Easter/Europe.

Evenings that aren't taken up by rehearsals:

Sat, 8th.
Mon, 10th.
Thurs, 13th.
Sat, 15th.
- Easter -
Mon, 24th.
- Europe -

I'm a little bit emotionally tired now. I've got a few job offer interviews to attend over the next week or so. Wish me all the best.

04 Mar 2008

2008-03-04T17:03:00.002+08:00

Okay, I've got about an hour free till my alarm rings and it's time to pack up and have some dinner before heading to another Easter drama rehearsal. I've already missed about a week of it, so I can't wait to get back.

Birth the GradShow was great. It's too soon to say whether I'll miss the rest of the retards of DCMD. I probably will.

I gave Azhar my Rook silkscreen. The one with Jessika on it.

I've been having ideas swimming around in my head, but can't seem to sit down to jot it out.

Actually I've been having loads of crazy stuff going on in my head. Things that make me wanna scream at the top of my lungs, and other things that make me want to sit on the roof of a tall building and stare at nothing until the day passes and my commitments force me back to Earth.

Hey Aaron, I probably won't want to go anywhere in Scotland. I think my trip would be worth it to just sit in a cosy corner and talk till our voices run out. You're definitely my best friend in this world.

I've only heard this song once, pretty long ago, but it's been stuck in my head for a while.

I think most people have a sort of defence system when they feel defeated/threatened/embarrassed/whatever. I know, or at least have come to realise, that whenever I seem to be heading for a train wreck, my first reaction is to feel lethargic. And most of the time I can't control it. My mind just goes blank and I can't think of anything else except "I must be tired". Does anyone else feel this way?

And there's so much more inside my head that I find so hard to express right now.

27 Feb 08

2008-02-27T14:05:00.000+08:00

"If they don't give me money, I don't care who they are."

- Mom

A Praise Chorus

2008-02-22T22:34:00.001+08:00

I wanna fall in love tonight.

14 Feb 08

2008-02-15T00:23:00.005+08:00

Dead.

hello, happy valentine's day everyone.

sorry for my perpetual laziness when it comes to updating this blog space. actually the only reason i'm blogging is because my mom and her boyfriend are in the living room playing very loud music, and i'm in my room with my headphones on listening to "sad exchange" by finger eleven for the daredevil soundtrack (although, by the time this post concludes, a lot of songs would have been played).

okay, first of all, an update of my general status. chinese new year has been pretty eventful for me. i suppose you can say i've made new friends, from both past and present. my cousins christy and lu, for instance. i haven't seen them in two years. lu gave me a crash course in "toh" family history, the summarised version of which took up the better part of three hours. short and simple, my dad's side of the family sounds like a complete "days of our lives" sort of basket case.

one thing that affected me quite a lot was when i found out that my dad was with my sister and her son at my aunts house for chinese new year. basically i wasn't invited by him because my half-sister was there. it felt all that much worse when i realised that i had missed the opportunity to see her by a few hours or so. i can't properly express in words how much it would mean to me to finally, after 20 odd years, meet my sister. and her son. it would mean the world and more to me.

maybe it's pride that prevents one from admitting mistakes. maybe it's fear that prevents one from taking action. maybe it's misplaced concern that keeps people apart. but it looks like i'll have to wait just a little longer.

chinese new year was pretty cool though. i guess when i look back at it now, i'm pretty okay with how things turned out. i got to know my family a little better. my uncle michael was back in singapore for a bit, and i had the opportunity to meet him for dinner yesterday. got to see my nephew and nieces again. bi and mark's kids: alun, anna, amy and tony (antonia). i actually miss them a lot.

oh yeah, i learnt how to play mahjong. with a little help from christy, lu and sondra. and uncle anthony.

i found out my cousin's best friend, sondra, is my ex-classmate's little sister.

i made friends with my ex-classmate's ex-girlfriend through a series of unfortunate events.

i really suck at sports in general.

i (somehow) managed to hurt my (once-fractured) arm again. don't ask me how, it just started hurting during the chinese new year drama. might've been the couch i had to carry on and off stage (with the one-and-only melvin tan), but i'm not about to blame it all on that.

i watched superbad and hitman. and enjoyed them both (superbad a lot more than hitman).

i listened to and watched the video of the killer's song, "don't shoot me santa". and i actually like it a lot.

i resolved to stop giving myself opportunities to do bad things.

i started drinking more than i should be. actually, not really.

i spent this valentine's day without lucas for the first time in three years.

i have adopted a more serious exterior, but i can't resist saying stupid things sometimes.

i am trying not to care so much about unimportant things.

i cleaned up half of my room, threw away a lot of things i used to keep for the sake of sentimental value, painted the gate of my house off-white (and got some paint on my hair).

i have the urge to dye my hair green (and probably will, next week), which means i have to buy black hair-spray for easter.

i had an argument of sorts with one of my best friends, kim.

i just bought "sgt. pepper's lonely hearts club band" by the beatles, and "icky thump" by the white stripes.

and after all this time, it's still true that the person i find hardest to forgive

is myself.

did i forget anything...?

31 Jan 2008

2008-01-31T09:54:00.000+08:00

I want to watch Tekkon Kinkreet.

My posts here are so angry-sounding. That's probably because nowadays I usually only blog when I'm moody and contemplative and bored. Which means I probably shouldn't be blogging now.

18 Jan 2008

2008-01-18T23:50:00.000+08:00

Selfishness!

Argh! I will not change that for you!

Firstly, it's not my job to attend to you.
Secondly, we've all got a responsibility to an authority, and you're not an exception!
Thirdly, I've neglected my own work to do this for you!

So please, if you've got no consideration for others, then at least be accountable to yourself!

And because this outburst is directed at so many different things, it would be better if I drop the subject

right

here.

05 Jan 2008

2008-01-05T23:13:00.000+08:00

02 Jan 2008

2008-01-03T01:53:00.000+08:00

I've updated my LiveJournal.

And my DeviantArt.

Nothing much else is going on.

Theoretically.

01 Jan 2008

2008-01-01T19:37:00.000+08:00

Argh.

Au revoir, 2007. I won't miss you.

My drawing arm's become retarded.

2008 is for going crazy.

Hello, complete reformation. You're mine this year.

I plan to grow up by June.

Impossible can eat dirt, cos I'm leaving her behind.

My drawing arm will go from zero to hero starting...

now.

02 Dec 2007

2007-12-02T22:43:00.000+08:00

The SP staff, Ning, is officially the worst MC I've ever heard.

I think modern dance is a waste of time.

I'm down with a fever. whew.

And sometimes I dread listening to people drone on and on about life, the universe, everything.

I watched Demetri Martin's "If I". It's basically an hour or so of him talking about his life.

Some parts were interesting.

But I shan't comment.

Because I find that the best way to learn about anything is not to hear it from someone or read it from somewhere.

*Insert cliff-hanger ending here*

18 Nov 2007

2007-11-26T01:04:00.000+08:00

Sorry I'm taking so long.

Thanks to all:
Aaron, who shipped me a present all the way from Scotland.
Lucas, who did his best to make sure I had lots of fun.
Kim and Nigel, you guys can't act... haha.
Xiao Lii and Xiao En, I didn't expect you guys to celebrate my birthday... thanks.
Sally, for turning up.
Delphine, Kai Lin and Shing, for taking the time.
Tim and David, you guys are awesome.
Wei Wen, thanks for the card.
Ken, Jovan, Han, Min, Yabei, Huiling and Jenny, I'm still watching it (over and over and over again).
Alfinah and Vic, this is (in my opinion) one of the best albums ever.
Alex, for giving me a big surprise (you sneaky guy you).
The message-ers - thanks for the birthday messages. Much appreciated.
My cell group. Jean, thanks for asking me what I wanted for my Birthday.

Dad. Thanks for the dinner. I think this is the first time in almost a year that I've called you "dad".

Mom. You're the greatest ever. And you move me to tears, always.

Thank you.

10 Nov 2007

2007-11-10T11:41:00.000+08:00

All I want for my birthday is:

A quiet dinner with my closest friends.
I don't even want or need a cake.
I just ask that I don't have to foot the tab for my own birthday meal again.

Because I realise that after all,

I don't need new clothes
I don't need more music
I don't need another book
I don't need anything, really.

I just want to know that after all these years, we're still friends.

And that we'll always be friends.

08 Nov 07

2007-11-08T22:08:00.000+08:00

Can someone please please please comment on my livejournal page and tell me that they want want want me to print a design on their shirt? Seriously, the reason I stopped posting in the first place was because of the lack of any feedback!

Okay, just had to get that off my chest.

02 Nov 2007

2007-11-02T15:23:00.000+08:00

I just updated my portfolio site, so go take a gander.

http://nick-toh.livejournal.com/

Again, constructive comments are greatly appreciated.

31 Oct 2007

2007-11-01T00:13:00.000+08:00

II just broke fast, and there's nothing to eat at home except CHOCOLATE.

Then I realised that when we (or myself, at least) break fast, we don't eat to relieve hunger. We eat because we want to please our palate.

Or at least, that's how I feel now: I haven't eaten for the longest time, I've got a mountain of chocolate on my kitchen table, and after a bar, I'm suddenly not as hungry as I thought I was. In fact, I think I could probably eat nothing and wait till the morning comes to eat something I'd like.

Or whatever. Ha.

I wish people would learn to laugh more at themselves. It's funny how someone could laugh so hard at another person's expense, yet take it so seriously when the exact same thing happens to them.

I pledge to not take myself seriously from now on.

And I think I'm hungry enough to get out of my house and walk over to Holland Village for some food. Or at least, the food there is good enough to warrant a trip there.

And I think that this shade of grey makes everything I post here a little bit more sombre than I intend it to be.

22 Oct 2007

2007-10-22T14:48:00.000+08:00

This is my rest day from the past few months of work.

Things are finally slowing down again (or at least, they aren't speeding up anymore). At the moment, I'm trying to catch up on my assignment. I seem to have lost some time on it last week. Or at least, that's what my lecturer claims.

Last Friday, the 19th, was one of my low points. Everything that could've possibly gone wrong, went wrong. And even some stuff which I thought was absolutely idiot-proof and fail-proof went awry. I won't re-iterate everything, but it was pretty bad. Faced lots of music from lecturers, my coach, and even some of my seniors. One of the judges couldn't make it for the event. I had to cancel a competition event that I watched my juniors train 5 hours a day, four days a week for the past 3 months for because of some technicality in the rules. I can't say that I was more upset than they were, but I took it pretty badly because I was indirectly to blame for it. The day then went from bad to worse as things started to break down and mess up.

Mess up to a point that I lost my temper. I don't think anyone who has known me for less than four years has seen me like that before. I think I gave everyone there quite a fright.

Then on my way home, I called my mom. No answer. I called Lucas. He was too busy to talk, so I called Kim. She was on her way back home to JB, so she couldn't really talk either. I called Sally. No answer. Then I broke down and cried.

Saturday morning didn't start any better. It was pouring really badly, and I was completely drenched. My mom was in a bad mood, and I had a bad stomach ache. I was supposed to open the clubhouse door, and I was 15 minutes late.

There were lots of things wrong with the competition itself, too. No access to hang our banner, no Guest of Honour, no printers, etc. My seniors, who until that day have kept mum, suddenly had lots of stuff to say and to criticise me for.

Lucas was supposed to be there to support the competition, but he overslept.

At least Kim was there. If not for her, I don't think I would have made it through the day. She didn't say anything. She didn't have to. Her being there meant the world to me at that difficult point in time.

And even through all that mess, I would say that the day went well. Whatever we participated in, we got a prize for. Gold for 長拳, silver for 南拳, silver for 象形拳, and gold for 集体拳. We pulled out of 对练 because my junior Meng Hui had a really nasty back injury, but we could have bagged a gold for that as well. Not because we're especially good, but because the standard for this event is especially low.

I learnt a lot of things through this.

Firstly: check, check, check! You can't ever be thorough enough. I had to cancel almost half the event because I wasn't thorough enough when I checked the rules and regulations which my (ex-)secretary and publications officer wrote. And even though I could give the excuse that "hey, I've never even gone to a Wushu competition before", I think that's just shrugging the responsibility. Checking and re-checking may make you seem really anal and fussy, but it'll solve a lot of headaches in the future.

Secondly: ask. No one in this world will offer to help you. Why? Because no one gives half a rat's ass what happens to you. As humans, all they really care about is saving the skin on their face and on their butt. In fact, most people will go out of their way to pin the blame on you, should things go wrong. Take it from me, it really sucks to have your coach blame you for things you had no way of knowing about in the first place. Be obsessive in your gathering of information, and hold people to their word. Get it in black-and-white if you have to. It's sadistically satisfying to see someone trying to push the blame on you, only to find out that they themselves are to blame.

Thirdly: get help. And I mean good help. Having a secretary that ran away from all responsibility mid-way through the planning process three months ago had repercussions all the way to the competition date itself. Having an awesome team of people who picked up the slack and went the extra mile to make sure things get done really saved my ass. Alex, Clement, Cuthbert, Janice, Wenqi - you guys are the reason there was an event at all. Of course there were others who helped a whole lot too, but these guys were with me from day one, and I really owe everything to them.

One thing I realise, too. That there are some things that mean the world to a person that you cannot miss, no matter what. Especially if the person is close to you, like an old friend or a family member:

1. Anniversaries. Birthdays, wedding anniversaries (for those married), etc. It's once a year, so work you schedule around it, for goodness' sake. And, I've noticed, that it's possible to be physically present but mentally absent. Whenever you're at a birthday party or an anniversary dinner, throw away that stupid hand-phone, stop having your own private conversation, and for one day in the year, make the person(s) involved feel like you actually listen to them at all. And don't be cheap with your presents. I guarantee, if the present is in any way purchased on a tight budget or as a last-minute resort, the person receiving it CAN and WILL sense it.

2. "First-times". This may not seem very important, but it separates the friends from the chumps and fakes. Make sure you take the time to make it for things like your friends'/kid's/whatever's first time for anything. Be it a basketball game, a soccer match, a competition, a trip overseas - if it's important to the person, it should be important to you. If you really can't make it, at least drop the person a call to let him/her know you care. And if you do something idiotic and unforgivable like oversleep or forget, you really should think about whether that person is important to you at all.

I guess you'd probably be able to tell, but most (if not all) of the stuff I've just mentioned is based on personal experience, and hence is pretty much laced with a whole bunch of emotion-inducing words and phrases. Although, I admit, it's probably toned down a few notches from what was originally in my head. But that's just me being me - painfully forthright.

So here's the fruit of all my training for the past few months:

I guess in the midst of all that has happened, this is my miracle. The dude who won first place was really good, and he beat me by a pretty wide margin, and I must say that I didn't - and still don't - mind losing to him at all.

So thank you, God, for keeping me all this time. For the encouragement and the strength. For everything.

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." Philippians 4:13

16 Oct 2007.

2007-10-16T17:31:00.000+08:00

I drew another Liam Gallagher.

It's in my sketchbook now, probably gonna experiment with different forms of inking before posting it up.

Meanwhile, check out my first two quick sketches.

http://nick-toh.livejournal.com

The Traditional Wushu IVP Competition is on this Saturday, 20th of Oct from 10am to 5pm.
My event should be at around 10:30am or earlier.

10 Oct 2007

2007-10-10T23:36:00.000+08:00

Lethargy. That's the keyword to describe the past few days (weeks?).

There's been something in my head for some time. It's a depressive take on friendship. It's all in my head, and I can't seem to find the words to write it out.

My back isn't getting any better. In fact, it seems to be getting worse.

I haven't had the appetite to eat anything but soup lately. It's like everything else is too heavy to stomach.

But over all, I think life is great, yeah? I've come to realise that there are things in my life that I'll probably never overcome, and probably never forgive myself for doing. But that's what grace is for, isn't it?

09 Oct 2007

2007-10-09T20:30:00.000+08:00

I was researching different styles of artistic direction for my schoolwork, when I came upon a verse from "The Rime of the Ancient Mariner" by English poet Samuel Taylor Coleridge.

He prayeth best, who loveth best
All things both great and small;
For the dear God who loveth us,
He made and loveth all.

Don't ask me why, but I love it. Makes me want to read the whole poem.

With regards to my school work, I'm officially a fan of Yoji Shinkawa's work.

Solid Snake by Yoji Shinkawa

Okay, it's one of those days where I have lots of stuff in my head, but can't find a way to put it into words.

Maybe I'll edit this again later.

Today.

2007-10-05T03:02:00.000+08:00

I had a weird conversation with my mom today.

Mom: Nick, how do you spell, "gibberish"?
Me: G-I-B-B-E-R-I-S-H.
Mom: Okay thanks. I hope this Korean guy can understand me. His English sucks.
Me: Well, he won't be able to understand you if you're talking gibberish.

Just for the record, I had already shut down my computer, but thought I'd boot it up again just to write this out. You know, in case I forget.

By the way, I've finally posted something new on my livejournal.

04 Oct 2007

2007-10-04T00:40:00.000+08:00

Do you know the feeling, when you look at pictures and wish you were there?

Do you know the feeling, when you try your best to be there, but you never are?

Do you know the feeling, when you have to choose between two things that are equally important?

Do you know the feeling, when you leave your past behind you, but it never does go away?

Do you know the feeling, when you feel like you've responded the right way to all of the above, but still regret what you've done?

Does anyone know? Because that's how I feel right now. I feel that I've really done my best to be better than I was yesterday, but somehow I've missed out on so many other things. I propose now, to you, that time is our enemy, that we can't afford to waste it on things that aren't important. I know there will always be places that I should have been, people I should have met, things I should have done.

Do you know the feeling, when you wish with all your heart that you could join them, but can't?

That's the feeling I get whenever I watch my juniors practice. When I watch them practice and wish, sincerely wish, that I could join them. That all my physical limitations would melt away, that I can stand up and walk, stand up and run, stand up and jump, just like I used to be able to. Just like what my juniors are doing now.

And really, I don't care about back-flips and somersaults and stuff. Sure, that's real cool, and sure, I worked really hard to be able to do it, and sure, I'm really thankful that I've been able to. But I'm starting to get the feeling that the price I've paid for it was a tad high. What's the point of knowing how to do all that stuff, and not being able to physically achieve it anymore?

For goodness' sake, answer the phone! Don't reply me with a "hey did you call me?", because it's pretty obvious that I did. I can't speak for anyone, but I've been taught to return calls. I believe my mom called it "being polite". Or maybe I'm expecting too much, hey? Maybe the rule "do unto others what you want them to do unto you" applies to every area except the area regarding phone calls.

And I don't ever want to be able to bitch and moan like this again. I'm just at a stage where I need to say something, but find myself unable to. I can't call Aaron anymore. Lucas is too busy to listen. David's doing his NS. Even Kim's too expensive to call anymore. Seems like almost everyone I've grown up with is somewhere else. Seems like these days I've replaced my friends with books, homework and CCA.

I just went for acupuncture for my back and legs. I'm feeling a little better, but not much. I need to get well now-ish. I've got a performance this Saturday for St. Theresa's Home and I'm missing my first cell for this. And the feeling isn't good.

And then in the midst of all this complaints and shelved-in frustration, I do believe (naive as I may sound to some) that God gives me hope.

"Do not be deceived, God is not mocked; for whatever a man sows, that he will also reap. For he who sows to his flesh will of the flesh reap corruption, but he who sows to the Spirit will of the Spirit reap everlasting life. And let us not grow weary while doing good, for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart." - Paul's epistle to the Galatians, chapter 6, verses 7-9.

Which is my new favourite passage.

Thanks for everything. Good night.

27 Sept 2007

2007-09-27T15:46:00.000+08:00

Okay, an update.

On my upcoming competition (oh mah gawd, it's in 3 weeks), I finally managed to get a hold of my (ex-)secretary. Which is good, because now every-thing's moving full-speed ahead (albeit almost a month behind schedule). There's a chance that New Balance will sponsor our competition, too. Even though it's been pretty hectic, I'm really proud of my team of people. They don't ever give up. Plus, I'm not exactly the easiest or most pleasant person to work with, so they deserve extra points just for letting me lead them. What's worth saying is worth repeating, so I say again: I'm real proud to be heading this team of excellent people.

The Annual Wushu Inter-Varsity Program (Unofficial) will be held at Singapore Polytechnic's Sports Hall on the 20th of October from 10am to 5pm. Admission is free.

I think my competition routine is doing major damage to my legs (and lower back, but to a smaller extent). My left knee's acting up for the first time in months, and I recently sprained my right ankle (okay, two weeks ago isn't recent). For the past few nights, I've been sleeping with knee guards and socks to keep my joints warm (in the hope that they'll heal up and stop hurting). I really do feel like an old man...

Oh, the Drama Ministry dance classes with Ryan has ended. It was real fun, but I must say I'm not much of a dancer, and quite frankly, I don't really enjoy dancing. Or maybe I'm just stiff. Haha.

Random quote: "Round 1: Fight!"

21 Sept 2007.

2007-09-21T04:11:00.000+08:00

Well, I spent the past few hours looking through some of the one-hit wonders I've heard when I was little. It actually started with "Rock Me Amadeus" by Falco, after which I just kept on looking for more and more.

Haha. And I told Sally I was gonna go sleep like 3 hours ago. Internet has officially ruined my body clock.

Some of the songs I've found (and taken a minute or two to listen to) tonight:

"Rock Me Amadeus" by Falco
"Fast Car" by Tracy Chapman (which actually isn't a one-hit wonder at all, but whatever)
"Sugar, Sugar" by The Archies
"Spirit in the Sky" by Doctor and the Medics
"The Safety Dance" by Men Without Hats
"Come On Eileen" by Dexys Midnight Runners
"I'm Too Sexy" by Right Said Fred
"Take On Me" by a-ha
"99 Luftballons" by Nena
"Groove is in the Heart" by Deee-Lite (the intro of which still plays subliminally in almost every Channel 5 TV short)
"Trouble" by Shampoo
"Bitch" by Meredith Brooks
"I'll Be There For You" by The Rembrandts

And, surprisingly, "Canon in D" by Johann Pachelbel.

Hopefully some of the songs from this short list brings back memories of days when you were still in diapers drinking powdered milk from a plastic bottle (for people my age) or running around in shorts playing soccer in the school fields in Kindergarten (for some older readers *coughMelvincoughCartercough*)

There're lots of others that I'm not gonna listen to or list down now, because I'm (finally) going to sleep. So good night.

16 Sept 2007.

2007-09-16T01:49:00.000+08:00

Hey, I haven't been updating for a while, so I guess I'll do a quick one just to keep this place fresh.

Went to Pulau Redang, Malaysia, for a "Leaders of Tomorrow" Camp (LTC for short). Did the usual stuff: build rafts, use straws to protect eggs, treasure hunt, etc. You know, the usual stuff they have when the term "leadership" comes up in the name of a camp. It was quite fun though. Made a few friends.

I didn't make it to Kuala Lumpur with the guys. Which really sucks, because I was looking forward to it ever since the day Wei Wen came up to me and went "Eh, you free or not?"

Training camp wasn't too bad. Isn't. I still have to go back after service for another training session (on Sunday. Can you believe that?). I gained some stuff during the camp (the duration of which I spent semi-concious): I re-sprained my right wrist, sprained my right ankle, strained my back (probably added to from the residue from Redang), and now my left knee (you know, the one with the ligaments torn) hurts again. On the brighter side, I finished my routine and managed to inject some life into it (my friend says that the strength is there, but my movements still look a tad cramped). I also got to know my juniors a little better (the consequence of which being getting touched and pinched and smacked 24/7 and getting both my eyebrows licked). I'd say that overall, the camp is a success (even though I may sometimes feel otherwise).

And yes, I did get licked. It was part of a forfeit for losing a game, and the worst thing is that I'm not the one who lost. I just happen to be the biggest target (as well as the least likely to go around throwing them through windows and out of doors).

Side note: I got my Ken's ass kicked by a Gouki player at Cineleisure today. I almost beat him though. I will next time. Mwahaha.

I realised (from watching myself do video announcements) that I tend to purse my lips when I'm nervous or when I'm thinking.

That's all I can think of to say right now... I'll update again soon, promise.

Random Quote: "Silly rabbit. Tricks are for kids."

Chain Blog (sigh)

2007-08-23T03:17:00.000+08:00

NEW RULES OF THE GAME:
- Each player of this game starts off with ten weird things or habits or little known facts about themselves.
- People who get tagged must type in a blog post of their own three weird things
or habit or little known facts as well as state this rule clearly.
- At the end, you must choose three people to be tagged and list their names.- no tag backs allowed.

These are Melvin's new rules, and I'm sticking to 'em.

Without further ado:

1. I'm real up-to-date with the Naruto and Bleach stories. But I will never admit it. Ever.

Let's see. I frequently check for new chapters, even if I know that I've already read the one released that week. I also like to read The Runaways by Brian K. Vaughan, but I think most people already know that.

I guess the comic book has been an integral part of my life. I grew up with a very arty (and short-tempered) Dad, and a very repressed (but still way arty) Mom. And while not for the comic book itself, they did encourage me to take up some arty past-times.

I remember keeping a book with all my (traced) drawings of my favourite super heroes when I was about 5 or 6. I still have a whole load of comics stowed in the overhead compartment in my room. I don't think I fully understood them at that time, but I just enjoyed checking out the way the characters were drawn.

As for Japanese comics, well, I used to read things like Doraemon, Megaman, Dragon Ball, etc. Never did get a chance to collect them in running order, though, so till now I have no idea what the stories were talking about.

Just for the record, these two are the only Japanese comics (I absolutely hate the term, Manga) I read. Never really found anything else that interested me. Oh, there was Flame of Recca, but I never had the opportunity to finish reading it. And I actually found the plot of Death Note pretty predictable.

2. Till now, I'm still hopelessly intrigued with the Street Fighter Series. But I've never been any good at any of the games.

What can I say? I grew up watching people kick major backside with the likes of Ryu and Ken. My interest in 2-dimentional, side-scrolling, butt-kicking action has always been (and may or may not always be) bordering on obsession. Sure, I may like the thrill of shooting countless people in games like Time Crisis, but that's not really my cup of tea, if you get my drift. My desktop wallpaper currently showcases most of the fighters from Street Fighter Alpha, Street Fighter Turbo 2, and Street Fighter: 3rd Strike. If only to prove my familiarity with the series, I can confidently name all of them. Ah, I'll just upload the picture.

The only playable character missing from this picture is Ingrid, and she's considered non-canon, so she doesn't count.

Oh, and I've never really liked King of Fighters. And the only 3-D fighting game I enjoy is Tekken. Just random info here.

3. I collect coasters.

Yes, I do. My collection is not by any means extensive, and the method of storage leaves a lot to be desired, but I'm somehow drawn to these circular/square/rectangular pieces of cardboard/plastic/clay.

I've got Tiger beer coasters, Guinness coasters, Samuel Adams coasters (from Boston), Mini (the car) coasters, coasters from TCC, Coffee Club, Eski Bar, Hog's Breath Cafe, the American Club, the Speak Good English Movement (don't ask me why they have a coaster. I don't know), and even a shiny Chinese one that I have no idea where I got from. If possible, I keep two of each design (you know, in case I have a sudden urge to have a drink while I'm sorting out my cupboard), and I try to keep them as clean as possible. I've even got clay coasters from Caesars Casino/Palace, but those are my mom's from way before I started collecting, so they don't count.

The main reason why my collection isn't any bigger is because:
1. I'm not a fan of trying out new places to eat.
2. I'm fussy about what I keep. I don't like coasters which are stained by the cups, even if the stain is only caused by water.
3. I don't usually collect from more "common" places, like Pizza Hut for example. Unless the design's really cool.
4. Unfortunately, I often forget to take them home.

That's about it, I think. I welcome any coasters you might have, but no stains, and in a pair, please.

Okay, time to go tag other people.

Random Quote: "Only villains try to change the whole world. The rest of us take it one person at a time."

Woohoo!

2007-08-15T14:27:00.001+08:00

Darned Japanese songs. I've got no clue when I started listening to music I don't understand at all, but it just makes me happy somehow.

Can't get enough!

Ta-daa...

2007-08-15T01:22:00.000+08:00

I'm fresh out of things to write about. It may be because I'm way past my (self-imposed) bed-time of midnight.

Okay, I've watched a few movies recently:

The Simpsons (Plaza Singapura & Cathay Cineleisure)
Rush Hour 3 (Cathay Cineleisure)
Hot Fuzz (4 Holland Close)

In short, I've had a lot of things to laugh about. Sorta.

Yes, I watched The Simpsons twice.

And 4 Holland Close is my address, dummy. It's no widescreen, but at least I've got surround sound and no annoying people around me. Not to mention the fact that I can go to the loo as many times as I want to and not miss anything.

Hot Fuzz is funny. Simon Pegg and Nick Frost are my new heroes of lame-ness.

I bought Runaways Volume 3. Mwahaha.

Okay, WAY past my bedtime (which is actually anytime I feel sleepy). Goodnight.

Bam.

2007-08-11T19:18:00.000+08:00

Experimental Design Studio.

One last presentation and I will have peace of mind.

For a moment.

I'm gonna be weird and prepare extra stuff that I did not put into my powerpoint slides for the presentation.

Just because.

I went to Basheer today, and browsed around for a pretty long time. Turns out that the book I wanted to get really really badly is out of stock. And that chances are that they aren't going to re-stock anytime in the near future.

Oh well.

I wanna watch Rush Hour 3.

And then,

2007-08-09T03:05:00.000+08:00

3am. I'm feeling a little dizzy right now.

Basically I've been working on my assignments since I got home from school at about 6:30pm.

I'm 50% done with my painting! All that's left for me to do tomorrow is to finish the other 10, cut them out, arrange them aesthetically, carefully stick them onto individual pages, punch holes at the sides, design the front cover, bind them using the nuts and bolts, do up the project documentation, write the report, finish the powerpoint slides, burn the files into a CD, and I'll be done. With one assignment. I've got so much work to do.

heh.

With that short description of what I have to do tomorrow, I forgot what else I wanted to write about.

Good morning.

Whew.

2007-08-06T16:32:00.000+08:00

Okay, still working on my EDS. Hope it turns out mighty fine.

The song "Starlight" by Muse has been stuck in my head recently.

I'm radiating a lot of heat right now. Hope I don't fall sick till I finish my assignment.

Okay, I really should get back to work.

This is an update.

2007-07-31T00:10:00.000+08:00

Okay. I actually did wake up at 7:30am today.

I am so unbelievably exhausted right now.

I managed to finish the Spider-Man stencil today. which was actually the only thing I managed to finish.

Still haven't finished the financial report.

Or the book-making assignment.

Oh, and my deadline for the book I'm making is next Monday, not the 13th as I had previously thought. So if you're still holding on to the piece of paper that I handed to you, I need it back right now-ish. Or maybe just forget it. I'll do it myself.

Warning: angry outburst ahead.

I think studying in SP has taught me one thing: that you can't trust the people around you to do you any favours, any more than you can trust a blind, angry monkey with his finger taped to the trigger of a loaded machine gun. Next time I just won't bother to ask. It's tiring, tedious, and the end result is simply not worth it. It's a single piece of paper, for goodness' sake. I don't know, stick something on, add a bit of colour or something! I'm already too tired to reject anything even moderately above mediocre. If it takes too much energy to find even two pens of a different colour, or a few pages of a magazine, or even to draw a simple stick figure or diagram, then let me know in advance and turn me down. It's better than for me to wait a week to receive something that I would have to re-do. A "sorry, no" would have been much better than an "I'll try".

Okay, angry outburst ended.

I feel much better now. I'm not blaming anybody, really. Just pretty angry with the current circumstances.

I'm not gonna think about this assignment for the rest of today... It's just gonna really frustrate me.

Ooo.

2007-07-30T03:02:00.000+08:00

It's 3am, and I'm proud to say that I've finished the homework that I've set out to do today!

Now all I need to do is the IVP (Inter-Varsity Programme) financial report, finish up my elective module drawings (of Little Red Riding Hood toting a machine gun) of which I took a week to finish 6/9 pages of (that's a lot of "of"s).

No pressure.

Just have to make sure that I wake up at 8 *latest* (my alarm clock says seven-thirty. Like that is gonna happen) so that I can reach school by nine (thank God for nearby schools) to watch more numbers on more computer screens whilst trying to find out how we can re-make the $4m that we spent on R&D last quarter (Simulation game. My lecturer's new way of teaching Entrepreneurship).

After which, I need to print my stencils (which was what I spent the last 5 hours and 30 minutes doing) so that I can cut it out (thanks in advance, MC), stick it on water-colour paper, paint it, peel off the stencil, paint it again, then stick it onto the pages of the book I'm working on (of which three-quarters of the pages are currently MIA), create a hard cover, bind the book, type a progress report and prepare to defend myself during the execution. I mean, exhibition.

Sounds fun, eh.

Which reminds me: I need to run to Art Friend to purchase a new book of drawing block papers (to make up for the pages that are currently lost in transition) and some water-colour paper to complete the above-mentioned chunk of homework that I need to complete now-ish to appease my already very understanding lecturer (no sarcasm implied, he really is very understanding).

Why isn't there a save-point and a reset button for life. Or a "stop-time" power-up item. Heh.

Sorry, sudden relapse of the gaming side of my brain.

On another note, I had lots of fun during Mike Connell's meeting just now. Lots of kicking, screaming and shouting. I was fortunate enough to leave the hall with the very very minor "I got spat on just now". Ravi experienced the "got my hand dragged across the carpet", while some others had the "kicked in the bum by stilettos". Can't wait for the next time Pastor Mike comes back.

I really don't think I have time to go for training tomorrow...

Just a preview of the work ahead of me, this is an example of a stencil:

Say again, stencil, which means the white stays and the black goes. How? Why, with a pen-knife, a million extra blades, a cutting mat, steady hands, lots of patience, and as much help as I can get, of course!

Which brings me to why I took so long to draw the stencils... I tried to make extra sure to leave enough white spaces in-between the black spaces so that the stencil won't fall into a million pieces. Yes, I'm aware that Spider-Man's eye is isolated, I'll just have to figure that out later...

Okay, my ten minutes of continuous typing is up. Gonna go sleep now and try and wake up early tomorrow. Still have the financial report and the elective module assignment (which I just realised is due this coming Friday) to finish up by the end of tomorrow.

Quote of the day: "I was elected to lead, not to read".

Update

2007-07-26T00:28:00.000+08:00

Okay.

Turned on the TV just now, and lo and behold, it was showing Queen of the Damned. You know, Anne Rice's third vampire novel made that was made into a movie.

I thought to myself after watching it: "This is a horrendous movie."

I feel lazy today.

Shall try to sleep soon.

Random quote of the day: "I've got the power to make grown men lose control of their bowels."

Good night.

Hola

2007-07-18T21:33:00.000+08:00

Gonna take a short breather from my assignments.

Haven't been in the mood to update recently.

Watched Resident Evil: Apocalypse. It was bad.

Watched the Korean movie, Volcano High. It didn't make sense at all. And to make things worse, the plot synopsis I read didn't match what I watched in the movie. And to make things even worse, the plot synopsis made more sense then what I watched.

So yeah, my breaks for the past few days (weeks?) have been somewhat un-fulfilling.

My highlight of the week, in fact, was the Runaways Vol. 2 book that I bought. It's brilliant. Okay, so I'm a bit of a sucker for these things.

Runaways is about a group of kids whose parents are villains. The usual stuff happens: kids get powers, butt gets kicked. Details included in the book.

Haven't got much to talk about recently.

Uh, hi?

Oh, by the way, Marilyn Manson's new girlfriend is 19. He's 38. Well, nothing wrong with that, I guess. Heh.

And Fall Out Boy is a bad band. Yuck.

The past 2:12:19 of my life was spent listening to all three My Chemical Romance albums back to back.

Look at the time... My mom should be back soon. Time to eat dinner.

I think love's a fad. Well, the romance novel, Jane Austen or whatsername sort of love is. It's crap. Seriously. Get over it. Totally.

Hm.

I like goth chicks.

Whoops, random (and totally untrue) statement. I'm keeping it cos it's funny.

Just like Eugene doesn't mind fat jokes about him... As long as they're funny.

I realised that I'm listening to a lot of music with alternative tuning recently. Like "One Thing" by Finger Eleven. Or "Iris", "Slide" and "Black Balloon" by the Goo Goo Dolls.

And I'm stealing the word fastly for use in my vocabulary. You know, the opposite of slow is fast, and therefore the opposite of slowly is fastly.

Also the alternative pronunciation of "serious" (se-RI-ous).

I'm too lazy to think of anything coherent to say, so I'm just gonna wait for dinner.

Random

2007-07-14T03:34:00.001+08:00

And I would really, really, really, really like:

The Fifth Element on DVD.

Random quote of the day: "Whoa, lady, I only speak two languages, English and bad English."

Canon Rock

2007-07-11T01:09:00.001+08:00

I just thought that this was really, really awesome.

Right...

2007-07-08T01:36:00.000+08:00

The Killers, but a cappella.

Travis - Selfish Jean

2007-07-08T01:03:00.000+08:00

ham says this reminds her of me. I wonder why. Haha.

This reminds me of someone I know as well...

No, not Jean Lew.

Demetri Martin is a pretty good comedian. A lot of his jokes require some brain, though. The rest of his jokes are flat, in-your-face kind of funny. Uhm. right.

Enjoy.

Random photo

2007-07-06T15:03:00.000+08:00

This is the result of me spending about 5 minutes playing around with Adobe Photoshop. I took this picture in Boston, Massachusetts, but it was major-ly overexposed. Can't decide if I should upload it onto my Deviantart account (which has, at the moment, only my severed arm piece in its gallery), because I wanted to specialise in illustration there.

That being said, I definitely need much more practice.

I felt like destroying something beautiful.

2007-06-26T00:39:00.001+08:00

Rah.

Ouch.

2007-06-25T03:22:00.001+08:00

Haha. Drawing this was exceptionally fun, for some reason.

And for the record, this is my first drawing where my original pencils aren't visible in the final piece.

Sketch in 4H pencil, inking and colouring in Adobe Photoshop CS.

(Yes, I know CS3 is out).

Fastly.

2007-06-22T18:17:00.000+08:00

Hello. I'm about to leave for CCA (once I find my pants. And shirt. And wallet. And towel).

I'm gonna fling myself around with reckless abandon!

No broken arms and legs. Unless I get an extension on all my assignments.

Gotta run very fast now. Ciao.

Fire away.

2007-06-21T23:34:00.000+08:00

It's June, and suddenly it seems like it's everyone's birthday.

Well. Maybe it is. Not everyone, just a whole lot.

I haven't had a birthday I'd liked. Well. There was one I can remember, and that was like 14 years ago at KAP McDonalds.

Haha. It just makes me sound so old to say something like that. The other day I said: I studied in ACS. I've been tying ties almost everyday for the past ten years.

Makes me sound very old, huh.

To cut a long story short and to not risk sounding like a broken record, I personally feel that my birthday is the worst time of the year.

For me, at least.

On a lighter note, I actually did not want to update this blog till some time next week but, ah well. My brain's stuck on "liquified".

Did I mention that I finished Prince of Persia: Warrior Within? Yeah, I finished Prince of Persia: Warrior Within. And if time and space permit, then I'll replay it in hard mode. After which I hope to sell it somewhere. Yeah.

Which is unlikely. As in the replaying, not the selling.

Okay, my body clock's gone full circle. From super duper awake to super duper sleepy. Better sleep soon before I get high.

I have to admit, these holidays were quite relaxing in a way. I mean, if I overlook all the insomnia and bad days. Oh and the lack of artistic inspiration. Yeah, it was pretty fun. A little. Not really. I guess it was okay. In a way. Somehow.

And I'm needing to find more like-minded arty, geeky, crazy people. Singapore is way too hectic for artistic expression, I feel.

I'm suffering from guitar withdrawal. Okay, I may not be very good at it, but it feels good to strum a few chords every night, you know?

I just remembered that I have a road sign wrapped in old newspapers in the corner of my room.

Suddenly, I'm not too fond of Macromedia Flash.

And I'm sleepy.

Munchy!

2007-06-19T19:23:00.000+08:00

As you can see, I've removed "Kasabian - Empire" from the "I want CDs" list.

Notice now! Now now now now now.

There're still more chances to make me happy, so don't fret. Make me happy TODAY.

I didn't update this thing for like six days. Did anyone miss me?

Right.

I should. Start a picture blog. Or something. Like a picture of how I'm feeling. Every week. I guess the "lazy" weeks would just be a blank piece of paper.

Officially a rabid fan of The Killer's music now. I say their music because I know nuts about their band. Haha. Their song, "Move Away", from the Spider-Man 3 album really rocks. I don't mind that album. Now now now now now.

Okay, this must be the "get in touch with the inner child" day.

It's so funny how we try to convince people that we've grown up and are all capable of surviving on our own, then make silly decisions and all.

Oh and selfishness! Don't get me started on that.

Moving on.

I want to take up drums again. Yes. I would love that.

And what's it with love, anyway?

Nope, no idea.

Rock and Roll... Love it.

Love love love. And a high dosage of Jazz makes me sick.

Pardon me, Jazz fans, but I'm biased.

Nerd quote of the day: "When you have insomnia, you're never really asleep... and you're never really awake."

I should do a whole entry of quotes. And then offer to buy whoever guesses where they all came from correctly a big lunch.

That's an idea.

Of course, now that there's the internet, things would get pretty easy.

woo hoo.

Humans, tis a fickle being.

The Killers - Read My Mind

2007-06-19T00:04:00.000+08:00

The Killers - Read My Mind
Uploaded by zz2excite

Yeah, I'm a little slow on this. One of my favourite songs. For now. Rah.

Sado-Masochistic.

2007-06-13T02:14:00.000+08:00

I can't get no inspiration...

Played Prince of Persia again today. For a little while. Got all the life upgrades. Which means that I'll get the canon ending when I complete the game. Provided I finish the game.

Oh and besides their 3 hit songs, Vertical Horizon aren't good at all.

And I went for training yesterday and went all Spider-Man.

Not really, still had some aching muscles from Friday's training.

Can't really do a front tuck anymore. Must be the lack of practice. Landed pretty hard a few times. Heard a few cracks.

May have been caused by the captain's ball game during warm-up session. I kinda got knocked off the chair by an over-zealous defender. The chair landed on my ankle.

And I sprained my other wrist! Hahaha.

Actually my only reaction was: I hope a week of rest is enough for me to recover. Cos I'm gonna try again this Friday.

So yes, in that respect, I am a masochist.

It's just me though. To live like this. It makes me feel... good. Now just remove the people and real work in between. Heh.

I ate dinner today at seven. Then again at eleven thirty when my mom got back. And right now, I'm feeling a little hungry.

Nerd quote of the day: "You've got red on you."

Slept the whole day today, but I should sleep soon. Have a long day tomorrow. That, and I need my sprained areas to heal faster.

Quote from myself: "I may have hurt something."

Okay, enough about me, now on to me.

2007-06-09T02:29:00.000+08:00

Yeah. So after I kill you all with my rushed rendition of Spider-Man's Venom (which is still so much cooler than Sam Raimi's take on the character), I shall empty my thoughts here as well.

(Not recommended for children under the age of 18. Mwahaha.)

Okay, for starters, I must admit that I'm looking for something I can't reach yet, and that I'm hating the alternatives.

My backflip leans a bit to the back and the left, so I land a little lopsided. I hurt my left foot (more than a month ago), and it still hasn't healed yet.

I lean too much to the front when I compensate for my landing during a handspring.

Conversely, I lean too far forward during a round-off, which makes connecting it into a backflip pretty difficult.

My wrist still hurts.

And I nicknamed one of my juniors "obtuse angle", but later realised that she should be called "reflex angle". Reason being that her splits are more than 180 degrees. Freaky, non? I wish I could do that.

I can't believe I mixed up "obtuse" and "reflex". Ah, I blame it on disuse.

And my bio clock is all screwed up! I mean, it's 2:40am right now and I'm still wide awake!

I really gotta work on my drawing skills. I don't reach my own standards. Not yet.

Ooo, I'm listening to "Welcome to the Black Parade" now. Haven't heard this song in ages.

Aight.

We were bored.

2007-06-09T01:57:00.000+08:00

Okay, I drew the sketch in class cos I was bored. I kinda liked it, so I decided to take it home to finish it.

Got home at eleven-ish, ate my dinner, procrastinated, dragged my lazy bum to the living room, plugged my scanner in, cropped the picture, and coloured it in.

Sketch was done with a 4H pencil, with subsequent details added with a HB pencil, then a 2B pencil.

Colour done in photoshop.

I'm a little disappointed with the way the colour turned out. As in, I thought it looked okay, but then the more I looked at it, the more I wasn't sure. But I decided to post it anyway. hah.

The process:

On the Good Ship Lollipop

2007-06-07T22:48:00.000+08:00

Watched Blades of Glory with Aaron. Can't remember the last time I laughed that hard.

Watched Shrek 3 with Kexin. T'was all right. I think Shrek 1 and 2 were better.

I love Gingy. "On the good ship Loll-i-pop"

Nerdy quote of the day: "I want you to hit me as hard as you can."

Had dinner with the Drama people at Fish & Co. Food does taste better when you've got good company.

School's a drag because no one's teaching. It's ass time, baby (ass is short for assignment)!

Hm. Swinburne or RMIT...?

My bum doesn't hurt anymore. I can flip again tomorrow!

I need a muse.

Let's move on.

I should really get rid of that empty cup of yoghurt that I had for lunch.

I'm hungry.

Oh dear, something bad just happened.

Hah.

2007-06-06T00:46:00.000+08:00

All my posts which have titles starting with an "h" only consist of one word.

Emerge 2007 is over, and tired as I was, I shan't complain because I thoroughly enjoyed it.

As for the photos... Find them somewhere else because I didn't take any with my camera.

Went out to chill for a bit with Aaron today. T'was a good time to set things into perspective and hear from his point of view.

Ended the day by watching "Blades of Glory". It was so funny in a horrible way. I'm still snickering.

And life is fun once again. My assignment was due to be e-mailed about an hour ago. I should probably start doing it soon.

One line paragraphs are fun; they let you change topic without apology.

And Jessika, you're hawt (darn Paris Hilton).

I think I get it now. I gotta stop focusing on the mistakes I make, and start focusing on the improvements I've made. It's simple.

Nerdy quote of the day: "My name is Peter Parker, and I've been Spider-Man since I was fifteen years old."

I'm trying to learn how to link my flips. By Christmas I hope to land a front hand spring into a round-off into a back tuck. Right. Or at least a hand spring into a front tuck.

I'm not expecting anyone to understand that last statement.

Hopefully my back will feel better on Friday so that I can try again.

I'm finally smiling like I mean it.

Congrats, Sally! Was rooting for ya all the way. To the top ten: you're all hawt la (except maybe you... and you over there... oh, and you too. Yeah, you as well...).

Talentime 2007 Drama category is officially gonna be stuck into my portfolio. We waited two years for this, Lucas baby!

As you can tell, I'm in my (as Jody calls it) eccentric (I prefer the term, hyperactive) state.

You're right, Kim. You too, Kexin. And you, Aaron. I do move along, as always.

And then I've found a new passion for calculated recklessness (aka. risk).

And no, keep your head out of the clouds, snowball, cos I'm not in love with ya.

And I love being ambiguous! I believe it's called being politically correct.

Okay, gonna try to complete my assignment by yesterday.

And today, I fought Tyler Durden.

2007-05-30T10:42:00.000+08:00

I created a graph to symbolise where I feel I'm at in my life right now.

Today is the worst day of my life. And it's only just begun.

I'm dead tired, I'm way behind in my work, and when all I needed was someone to comfort me, no one was there. No one is here.

Where were you? Where are you? I really really forced myself to believe that you'd be faithful, that you'd always, always be there. But I can't even sense you anymore. I'm not even sure if I'm really a friend of yours.

I tell myself to be strong: I have a roof over my head and food on my plate. And though I may not be gifted, talented, good-looking or popular, I was satisfied with what I was. But now I'm not so sure. I tell myself that there are others worse off than I am.

But I'm not them.

And so I do stick out like a sore thumb, yeah? But I'm sick of it. I hid behind my jokes, and I was different. I did not conform. But now I just want to blend in with the crowd. I want to be somewhere safe. Because even my friends don't take me seriously anymore. I don't want to be me anymore. I hate the person I see every time I look in a mirror.

All I wanted was someone to comfort me.

You know the saying, that everyone needs an average of eight hugs a day to survive? When I walked through my front door, all I could think of was giving my mom a hug. Then maybe all the bad things would go away, even if only for a while.

Mom's not home today.

There's a difference between being alone and feeling lonely. And I swear I've never felt so lonely in my life.

So now I'm sitting here, with a sprained wrist, a sprained foot, and a torn ligament in my knee. I know I'm going to be punished because I couldn't get enough of my club members to go for some crappy meeting in school. I can't complete my work in time for what might be my last chance of entering the crowbar design competition. My lecturer just told me that he can't grade me simply because I've missed out on too much work.

And on a normal day I'd just smile, laugh it off and move along.

I'd run out of adjectives to describe exactly how much I hate myself right now.

And all I needed was somebody to be here, right here, for me.

Just this once.

Hiya.

2007-05-24T02:04:00.001+08:00

What up. Major presentation in about 7 hours. Sounds like fun.

Just because.

2007-05-21T23:25:00.000+08:00

I feel the need to get shot in the back.

I need to finish my work.

I realise that no matter how you try, things will never go the way you want it to.

So to that, I say: Forget it.

I realise that I need to let go of friends I used to know.

Especially if they have never made an effort to contribute to the relationship.

So to that, I say: Forget it.

I realise that I'm only ever going to improve if I stop comparing myself to others.

So to that, I say: Onward! I'm not gonna piss myself off by being a nobody forever!

Because.

2007-05-19T23:23:00.000+08:00

The Killers are the new drugs for my ears.

I have a new-found liking for Bermudas.

I have a new-found liking for button-front shirts.

I have a new-found liking for striped polo t-shirts (a trend I helped to start in the first place).

I realised that I feel warm all the time in Singapore (Even with air-conditioning).

I realised that a lot of people recognise me by my red Chuck Taylor's.

An image I'm trying to change by wearing checkered Bermudas (which look like boxers).

That, and my Converse sneakers are wearing out.

I love Bundaberg Root Beer!

I just realised that I'm very intrigued with psychology. Maybe I should have studied psychology.

Nah.

I like eating breakfast cereal. Sometimes I actually have it for breakfast.

My favourite fruit is definitely Mango.

I think.

I love Rock!

I'm really sleepy. I can't wait for technology to come to a stage where you just click "send" and poof! you send the file.

Discomfort.

2007-05-16T17:59:00.000+08:00

At this point in time, I really really want to be high. Hopped up on painkillers or something. Cos I'm in a lot of pain.

Feels like my head got knocked off after I tried to kiss a freight train moving at full speed. Okay, it's just an exaggerated analogy, but you get the picture. Feels like whiplash. Although I don't remember being in any sort of accident which would induce this sort of blunt trauma.

Then there's a sharp-ish pain in my back. Especially when I lie down. Which sucks, actually. Because I really want to lie down and forget about the pain in my neck. Which hurts no matter what position I assume.

Well, at least the pain in my chest and my breathing difficulties are gone. Which makes it one part of my body which doesn't hurt.

Thes says it may status ailments may be caused by the sudden change in climate.

Okay, let's see. If my flu was caused by the change in temperature, then my chest pains should have been caused by the change in diet, then my neck and shoulder pains should be caused by... Uncomfortable airplane seats?

Well technically, it only makes sense if my reaction time is like 4 days behind time. urgh...

Music whoring.

2007-05-15T22:30:00.000+08:00

So. I went to Orchard Road today to spend the $50 voucher (from Kim. yay) at Topman and the $70 voucher at Borders (which i got from school for designing the School of Design t-shirts and button badges).

Then I found out that $50 at Topman doesn't buy you much of anything, so don't waste your money there because there're better places to shop, guys. Save your money (to donate to me)!

Over at Borders, I ended up buying music CDs. I wanted to get Fight Club as well, but they didn't have it. Either that, or they did, and I couldn't find it because everything is so darned messy. Which is why, in my opinion, Kinokunia kicks Borders' ass any day. Rah.

As for the CDs, I bought Yours Truly, Angry Mob by Kaiser Chiefs, and Minutes to Midnight by Linkin Park. Then I got a free Linkin Park poster with the CD, and my first reaction was "Oh my God" (as in, the "what on earth?" sort of "Oh my God").

And I just ripped Hot Fuss by the Killers and Everything You Want by Vertical Horizon (I know, I'm behind on this).

Speaking of CDs, I should really take the time to organise my CD rack (and my room, for that matter). Maybe. One day. Soon.

What am I doing still awake? I'm still sick!

blink 182 - Always

2007-05-15T07:34:00.000+08:00

Blink 182 - Always (clip)
Uploaded by Ptit_Seb

Till now I'm still hooked to this video (and the song's pretty nice, too). Couldn't get a "good" version of this video, so yeah.

Insomniac.

2007-05-15T06:54:00.000+08:00

You know your body's pretty screwed up when you feel only the extremes of temperatures (and nothing in between). Either I'm perspiring, or I'm freezing my butt off.

You know your body's really screwed up when you get aches and pains everywhere. And can solemnly swear that you did absolutely nothing to aggravate it.

You know your body's damn screwed when you fall asleep uber early, wake up in the middle of the night wondering what the heck just happened, and then go back to sleep only to wake up in the wee hours of the morning to see the first bus pass by your window.

Unfortunately, I qualify for all three. And no, I'm not going to launch a tirade about how lousy I feel because I'm aware that there're people worse off than I am, but when you start doing brain teasers just to occupy time, only to realise that you've done the exact same one three times before, you start to wish that everything would go back to normalcy.

And if I run into someone named Tyler Durden, then I'd know I'm finally losing my head.

Absolutely.

2007-05-14T09:13:00.000+08:00

And something happened to my blogger.

This sucks.

First day of school for me this month of May.

Heart, don't fail me. Hands, don't let me down.

I was up since seven. For some strange reason.

I still think that I'll be late for school though. Cos my mom just woke up. Okiro.

Can't get used to the weather here.

And once again, my mind is in a dozen places.

Home.

2007-05-12T09:12:00.000+08:00

Counting down the time till I get home.

2007-05-09T11:47:00.000+08:00

Counting down the time till I return home to Singapore.

SQ1 to Singapore via Hong Kong, arriving 11:40am on Friday, 11 May.

Which (hopefully) saves me from being asked again... Though I'm sure people will, but at least I can copy and paste the sentence.

I just realised my hair is really long. I don't think I've ever had it this long. Maybe when I was-

Nah, I don't think I've ever had it this long.

I don't actually feel like blogging, but I'm one of those people who'd feel obliged to do stuff. That, and I couldn't sleep.

America. Still.

2007-05-07T09:54:00.000+08:00

Hello. From San Francisco, California, we took an internal flight to Boston, Massachusetts. A harrowing five hour flight that robbed me of a lot of sleep.

Spent a day at the airport's Hilton hotel. It's more fun than I expected.

Not really.

It's weird, but I'm somehow comforted by the fact that I taste blood in my mouth 24 hours a day. You know, that taste of rusted iron (yes, I have tasted a rusted iron rod before).

We took a US$135 (202.5 SGD) taxi ride today. So I officially beat all you people who think that Expo to wherever costs a lot of money.

And Gary, I did not bring my USB port, so I can't upload photos onto my laptop.

Our current hotel is beside a lake, so it beats the hell out of Singapore's Lakeside. Mom's going to work tomorrow (which is a Monday) so I'm probably gonna hop into a pair of track pants and go do Tai Chi on some secluded mound of grass. That is, if I knew how to do Tai Chi.

Oh, and another thing. In case you don't know, I'm learning Baji Quan and Ditan Quan. So don't go assuming that Wushu = Tai Chi, or else I'll go over and kick you in the face.

Alcatraz is an island off the coast of San Francisco, by the way. It used to be a prison, an army base, an Indian colony and a bird colony, so if you didn't know, I think the most convenient place to get an idea of what it is, is Wikipedia.

My mom doesn't like smokers, Indians, Mainland Chinese, Americans, and me (among other things). She confessed that she's racist. Then she said she wasn't, but she just doesn't like rude people. Then she said she's racist.

I think my mom's getting old. She's probably at that age where-

She's probably at that age.

She's a little bi-polar, I swear. From "that's nice" to "I'll slap your face" to "can you get me a tea, please" to "you're so damn lazy" to "that's nice". Yeah, she's probably at that age.

I'm at the age where I wanna get a job get hitched, get away, and get successful. In other words, I'm at the age where wishful thinking is "in".

America has taught me a lot of things so far. For example, Bostonians are better looking than San Franciscans. But other than that, yeah, I learnt lots of stuff.

From a book: "If you're a smart person, you can see what's smart about the next guy. If you're secretly afraid you're a moron, okay, then to you, everybody's a moron."

Ralph Waldo Emerson said the same thing: "In every man, there is something wherein I may learn of him."

Your heart in your mouth: "You say what you want to hear."

So thank God for this trip. I'm thinking of the song "Love Song for a Saviour" by Jars of Clay. I don't think I've ever said it before, but it's one of my favourite songs. I think it speaks pretty accurately the things I'm feeling right now.

He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens
as close a heartbeat or a song on our lips
someday we'll trust Him and learn how to see Him
someday He'll call us and we will come running
and fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and we'll pray

I want to fall in love with You

it seems too easy to call You "Savior"
not close enough to call You "God"
so as I sit and think of words I can mention
to show my devotion

I want to fall in love with You.

I was just thinking.

Oh, I heard that I'm involved in the Emerge production.

It's called "Talentime".

Yay.

I've been thinking. You know, in between the lengthy walking periods.

I can't buy stuff for anyone because I don't have a single American dollar anywhere on my person. Mom holds all the money, and it's pretty suspicious if I tell her I want something in XL. Or if I want girls' shirts. Or if I want VCDs or DVDs. Or bling bling. You know.

On jealousy: "You see in other people what you want for yourself".

On finding a mother: "Women choose who they love the most. Men choose who loves them the most."

On identity crises: "Whatever you become, someone will long for what you were."

I think I understand now.

On guilty pleasure: "Never be embarrassed about something you like."

On soul searching: "When you think you have lost something, it is usually still with you."

On finding your path: "There's no need to stand behind anyone when there's so much room to walk."

Last one I'm sharing tonight (in America, it is night).

On haves and have-nots: "If someone gets rich, I do not cheer for them. I weep for myself."

And this is called stating the obvious with simplicity. It's one thing to know it, and another thing to see it so plainly. Sometimes it's like waking up from a dream. Sometimes it's like a kick to the head. Most of the time it's called, "revelation". And some other times it's known as "damn, that sucks."

I can't wait till I'm back in Singapore, you know, with other loved ones (I keep reminding myself that my mom is here). At the same time though, I can't wait to travel abroad again (without the mother).

I think this trip has finally broken my dependence on mom. Which is good.

I think this free Wifi thing isn't good for my health.

Have been sleeping in my jeans this entire trip. Didn't bring pyjamas. Well, I would've brought them if I had any. And yes, I still adhere to personal hygiene.

All righty, I'm off to sleep in my jeans.

Californication

2007-05-04T13:25:00.000+08:00

Reporting from San Francisco.

Found out some stuff. Like the low end of GAP is Old Navy, and the high end of GAP is Banana Republic. Cool right? And my mom won't buy stuff for anyone unless she knows who they are. Like if I say "for Kim" or "for Lucas", she'll be like "Oh sure". Actually, if i mention anyone else's name, she'd say no (or "who is that?"). yeah. Can't say i didn't try.

Went shopping at Old Navy. I bought some stuff.

Oh and I forgot to bring my USB port, so I can't upload my pictures. Which means I'll probably be too lazy to sieve through all the pictures when I get home. Which means it'll probably stay in my com forever. eh.

Okay, I'm tired.

It's just one of those days.

2007-04-29T23:03:00.000+08:00

I'll never understand women and their damn mood swings.

Oh yes, it's depressed.

2007-04-27T01:57:00.000+08:00

In case you can't read it (get spectacles), it says "REJECT IF SAFETY BUTTON CAN BE DEPRESSED."

Then I thought to myself, this jar of fruit has issues

Not Really, Mon Amigo.

2007-04-25T22:22:00.000+08:00

Mon Amigo means "My Friend". Eh. I should stop explaining the words I use.

Yes, I know I just blogged recently, but I felt the longing to do so tonight.

For some reason, I feel a strange surge of independence. You know, the sudden sense of freedom. Or something. As if I'm in control. And it feels. Good.

Doing my assignment right now. Gathering research into a booklet so that the lecturers (and ourselves, for that matter) can refer to it as we're doing our project. It's pretty straightforward work, but I'm taking the effort to make it a real "Designer's brief". You know, since I have to use it and refer to it for the next four months.

I just woke up, actually. got home at like 7:30pm, and took a nap at eight. was supposed to wake up at nine to do work, but I kinda overslept. Good thing that it was only for an hour though. If I woke up to sun rays, I'd really cry. Although, I admit, I was tempted to go back to sleep. But strength of will prevailed. Right.

I've been neglecting my Xbox again. No, really.

I'm hungry.

Random fact: I don't like chillies in my Subway sandwiches.

Oh, I know why my posts are so random sometimes. Cos I usually blog in between doing other stuff, and just add in whatever I'm feeling at that particular point in time.

Tomorrow's gonna be a long day. Really long.

I'm done with my work for now... Gonna go do... something else...

Zero, absolutely.

2007-04-24T20:25:00.000+08:00

I feel. Hardworking. It's the second week of school, and I'm slightly ahead of the rest of the class. Though, granted, I have to be because I'll be jetting of to the U.S. of A. next Tuesday. I'm quite glad that I've managed to complete lots of CCA planning and schoolwork during these two weeks. Not to mention learn how to back-flip (YES! YES! YES!). Which I think is quite an achievement for myself, considering the fact that I was a pretty big failure in gymnastics when I was a kid.

Okay, I think I won't blog much more today. I have work to do. And if you've known me for some time and are thinking to yourself, "hey, Nick's actually doing work", then, I'm sorry to ruin your (flawed) perception of me. Mwahaha.

I am now going to commit social suicide and disconnect myself from this universe in a (vain) attempt to complete the next 2 weeks' worth of work so that I won't have to play catch-up when I get back. I'm also going to commit mental suicide by attempting to use FreeHand MX to do my work instead of Adobe Illustrator. Then again, maybe not.

Oh and if anyone wants stuff from USA, I do believe they sell nice cheap ropes over there that you can use to go kill yourself.

Okay, this post is completely random (although, I must admit, it's much akin to my other posts). Truth be told, I only wrote this because I felt an obligation to update this thing. That, and I thought I needed a little breather before starting work proper.

Bleah.

Yahoo!

2007-04-23T23:05:00.000+08:00

No, not the website, the expression!

After six months of exercise-less existence, I had a pleasant surprise today during Wushu training (yes, Wushu. I may not speak good Chinese, but at least I can do Kung Fu and hold a pair of chopsticks the correct way). I did a back-tuck. A back somersault. Back flip with no hands. Woohoo!

I'm gonna do the typical Christian thing: Praise God!

Okay, my justification: I spent the last six months (technically) sitting on my ass (another technicality), doing completely no exercise (unless you count walking to the MRT station and all those pull-ups Mel and I did during Easter) for fear that i may aggravate the already disastrous condition of my knee (my Chiropractor says the ligaments got torn), and render myself disabled (for a while longer). Then suddenly I jump into full training (no breaks, no sit outs), and find that i haven't lost much flexibility or strength (though my stamina suffered). Then I try to do a back flip on a thick mattress. You know, for fun. Then I did it on the floor. Then I did it again. and again. and again.

So yes, miracles do happen. In very, very unexpected ways. And. I'm going to need a miracle if i don't start my assignment brief right this second.

Multiple Personality Order.

2007-04-19T23:59:00.000+08:00

Hi, I am another one of Nick's various personalities (which he separates and compartmentalises for convenience's sake).

I am the part of Nick that handles all the Disappointments (not to be confused with the department of Anger or Frustration). More specifically, my department handles items classified under "being stood up" (which is much akin to "you're late", except that our department faces more dire consequences in the case of a power outage).

Recently, our department has been very busy. We are currently being supported by the "shit happens" team, which specialises in services such as "It's part of life", "another time then", "Think of it as time to yourself", etc.

We have also received help from a mysterious external device known as "Xbox", which serves no other purpose except to relieve stress and frustration by creating virtual objects (resembling people) to beat the living daylights out of. Another side effect of this is the passing of time caused by the sudden (traumatising) rift in Nick's schedule.

This external device now occupies the extra slots that used to be owned by S.L.E.E.P. and F.O.O.D.

However, as the external device is not readily available, and S.L.E.E.P. and F.O.O.D. are both seasonal departments, our department is perpetually forced into overtime. Our best-selling products include "Patience" and "Forgiveness", as we have found that our previous product, "Damn you all!!!" and "go and die, please" didn't sell very well.

Despite having been upgraded and updated over the many years in operation, our department may face power outages once in a while. When this happens, the system tends to produce things like "Depression", which may lead to "Self-depreciation". These products have an adverse effect on Nick, often causing him to keep deadly silent for extended periods of time, eat food at an alarmingly accelerated rate (which may be harmful in itself), etc. This behaviour may degrade to, if left unattended and in most severe cases, to self-mutilation. The last time this occurred, the moon turned blue, the sky turned green, the cows came home, and the Singapore soccer team won the World Cup.

However, our system has been trained to adhere to the "Low doesn't mean No" rule, and as such, we highly encourage people to .a) don't make promises to Nick that you're likely to break, .b) if you do have to break it, do so at least a day before (to allow us time to notify the Scheduling department) .c) make up for it (only necessary in cases where you 1. SMS an apology, 2. don't apologise at all. Nick's override system may kick in, and cause him to do some serious redecoration to your face and internal organs).

Thank you for your co-operation. Before I switch back to the "Mr. Nice Guy" side of Nick, I would like to mention something that he would not say aloud: DO NOT TAKE MY TIME FOR GRANTED. That is all, thank you.

p.s. This post is meant to be read with a pinch of salt. If you feel that it applies to you, then you may be one of the lucky few who can redeem a knuckle sandwich. If the sandwich is not redeemed, then it will be delivered to your house, along with a free facelift.

Erm...

2007-04-17T22:38:00.000+08:00

What's with service staff nowadays?

I walked into a certain 24-hour supermarket to get some chow. To my delight, the barbecue corner was still open. shuffling over, I pointed to the remaining three chicken wings.

Me: May I have that please? Everything.

Staff: Which one?

Me: That. Um, the chicken wings.

Staff: How many you want?

Me: Everything.

Staff: How many?

Me: Um. Everything? Three. All three.

Staff: Okay.

Me: You mean there's more?

Staff: No, no more already.

Me: Oh. Right. Okay...

I'm sure everyone would agree that that was a harrowing experience? Yes... how exasperating.

Which reminds me of another experience I had at a burger joint at Far East.

Me: Hi, may I have a Mushroom Swiss meal please?

Staff: Okay, what drink?

Me: Sprite, please.

Staff: No problem.

(meal arrives. I realise that my sprite is a suspicious brown hue)

Me: Excuse me, I ordered a Sprite.

(staff scrambles to change the drink)

Me: (trying to be nice) It's okay, I don't mind a Coke.

The best part happens after sitting down at my seat. i open my burger and see... A Turkey Bacon Sandwich.

Haha.

Quite alright.

2007-04-16T23:03:00.000+08:00

First day of the last year of school in Singapore Polytechnic Creative Media Design.

I was 15min late.

I bought Prince of Persia: Warrior Within the other day. Been playing it during my free time. Which isn't much. Or maybe I'm just lazy. Ha!

It's a pretty cool game. I kept on letting the Prince get mutilated by the various traps and enemies. Haha. One of my favourite moves is where the Prince would strangle the enemy from behind, then stab him/her/it through the back and then decapitate him/her/it. Ah ha. Okay, no more details.

As you must have noticed by now, I changed my blog skin again. It's still work in progress, so leave your suggestions as a comment on this entry (as opposed to a tag on my Chatbox). I know about the blue area obscuring some of my words, but I haven't really sat down to figure it out yet. Soon, soon...

Oh, and I still haven't completed Ninja Gaiden. Haha. It's been what, 6 months? And I'm still not even halfway through. Maybe a quarter way? Ah ha...

I cut my hair. The top and sides are real short, but i kept the back and 3/4 of my fringe. My mom's first words: "you look damn Beng."

Thanks mom.

Oh and just in case there are new readers, here are ten things you may want to know about me:

1. I can be short tempered (It takes more to tick me off nowadays, and usually i don't get angry over one thing. It takes like three or four different things put together to tick me off).
2. I draw with my laptop's finger pad (pretty well, too).
3. I shower naked.
4. I can be really quiet in certain situations.
5. I like Captain America, but have not read a single one of his graphic novels. My favourite super-hero is Daredevil.
6. I earned my black belt in Aikido when I was 13.
7. I can't do Malay accents.
8. I still keep a security blanket (more for sentiment's sake than anything. That thing is older than I am).
9. I am colour blind. No, seriously.
10. I like jackets with high collars.

And i seriously didn't think that there were 10 things to say. haha!

How Great.

2007-04-16T21:06:00.000+08:00

I hear "How great Thou art" being sung in Chinese.

Deconstruction of the mind

2007-04-15T22:37:00.000+08:00

Hello.

I guess, after all these years, my biggest disappointment in life is still

myself.

Renovation!

2007-04-14T22:08:00.000+08:00

Okay, gonna be changing lots of stuff over the next few... um. Time.

So watch this space.

It isn't a suggestion.

Rah.

Switchfoot - Awakening

2007-04-13T21:30:00.000+08:00

Graciously uploaded onto YouTube by Switchfoot.

Enjoy.

That's pretty messed up.

2007-04-11T23:55:00.000+08:00

Ah. I can't lead. If I can, then I've just been really bad at it. Had to cancel a performance on Friday. You know what? Every time I think of CCA, I get depressed. Haven't been around at all for a long time. No updates, no nothing. So much for a leadership role. My heart isn't in it, so go away. I don't need the extra burden.

Not gonna think about it. I need to fix things once I get back to school. I can't do anything now.

And a whole lot of stuff at work that gets me down.

And actually not a lot of stuff. I should be happy.

It's just one of those days.

I should take this opportunity to sleep early.

Post Production Syndrome

2007-04-09T22:21:00.000+08:00

Stoning around at work today because there was nothing to do. Except help people mount artwork, do my own stuff, use the bathroom, go for lunch, pack bags of bibs, do my own stuff, use the toilet, do my own stuff, use the toilet, and do my own stuff.

Oh and use msn. Did I mention that I did my own stuff?

And my colleagues are such busybodies sometimes. Trying to "teach" me how to do things their way and all. Usually I just smile and stare at them so that they'll continue to think that I'm stupid. Nyah!

Oh and I haven't been updating my portfolio site cos I'm working on a new (top secret) one. Which will be up in the future. One day. As for the current one, I'll still update at times, but yeah. rarely. Sorry folks.

Dear Gary, please get well now (as opposed to the more ambiguous "soon").

Easter was fantastic. Photos... One day la. Soon.

It's taking forever to upload. Maybe it's because it's 4MB and I was lazy to reduce the size a little... haha. Ah, well.

Whoa. It's only 10:45pm! I'm really suffering from post production blues. I thought I've been sitting at this com for hours...

Ooo. Picture's uploaded...

ta-daaah! Easter 2007.

That's all for now.

Calm before the storm

2007-04-06T09:01:00.000+08:00

It's quiet. Relatively.

Ladies and Gentlemen, we are but a few hours away from the opening show of CHC Easter 2007.

I'm calmly exited.

Linkin Park - What I've Done

2007-04-04T14:29:00.001+08:00

So Late That It's Early.

2007-04-03T02:46:00.000+08:00

It's 2:45am now, and I'm eating my dinner: a can of tuna hungrily scrapped out and eaten with Jacob's Hi-Fibre crackers. Welcome to the life of Nick.

I'm gonna sleep soon, if not I'd have the urge to bash myself in the face with my laptop just to fake a nosebleed and go home early from work tomorrow. Rather, go to Expo early and nap. Blame it on my extreme resistance to freak sickness (and, as a side-effect, my increased susceptibility to injury).

My knees are aching. Which is a pity, cos I was hoping to do something special. My costumed pants almost dropped today. Rather, it did. Luckily I was only facing Mel and Kexin and not like the entire universe. That would be embarrassing. So from then on I resorted to tying the drawstrings so tight that my food can't pass through my small intestines.

Note to self: wear extra layers of shorts.

okay, it's been a cool fifteen minutes since I came home, and I'm gonna sleep now. I don't think they pay zombi-fied interns (can't be much lower than the pay I'm getting, anyway). As it is, my entire salary is used up commuting there, back, and having lunch. I might as well be a french fry boy at MacDonalds. haha.

Night.

Unusually calm state of the recently dead.

2007-03-31T22:29:00.000+08:00

I am in an unusually calm, composed and poetic state. Calm in the sense that I didn't panic when I accidentally knocked my chopsticks (which were in a bowl full of soup) onto the floor (together with a teensy bit of my dinner). The TV isn't on, the radio isn't on (I have a TV and a radio?), I'm not on the phone, I'm not asleep, I'm not out.

I forgot when was the last time I had so much time to myself. I'm not really liking it.

Anyway.

Give me back my slumber
Cos I see you in my sleep
Steal from me my very breath
My rest from me you keep

Give me back my good times
From days in which you stole
My joy my smile my happiness
That once had made me whole

Give me back my sanity
And take away my fear
Cos my nightmares start only when I wake
And realise that you're not near.

Ergh. What a punctuation-less poem. Haha.

Reminds me of "I Don't Love You" by My Chemical Romance (I just watched the music video).

I found out how to do some pretty neat stuff in Adobe Illustrator. I'm such a newbie. But at least it's useful.

Now is an appropriate time to sing "Answer the phone, I know that you're home..." (rest of the song omitted on purpose).

Hmmm.

What to do, what to do...

Forsaken!

2007-03-30T00:37:00.000+08:00

Yes, I have forsaken this blog (and my portfolio) for a long time (relatively). For all you people who read my blog everyday, hoping to see a new post, get a life (which doesn't resemble mine).

Welcome back Shing.

I learnt a new song, "Kiss Me", by Sixpence None the Richer.

I did some work on some stencils. You'll find out soon...

Mom's words of wisdom: If they pay you peanuts, they're gonna get a monkey.

And.

I'm going to sleep before I get sick again.

Night all.

Stars.

2007-03-21T10:06:00.000+08:00

A star is a massive, luminous ball of plasma. Stars group together to form galaxies, and they dominate the visible universe. The nearest star to Earth is the Sun, which is the source of most of the energy on Earth, including daylight. Other stars are visible in the night sky, when they are not outshone by the Sun. A star shines because nuclear fusion in its core releases energy which traverses the star's interior and then radiates into outer space. Without stars, life and most atomic elements present in the Universe would not exist.

What does it mean to be a star? Or what does it mean to shine like one?

I read in a book when I was young (and was recently reminded of it by a dear friend) that by the time the light from most stars reach the Earth, they would have burned themselves out (in other words, dead. Finito. No more).

I was thinking about this. Rather, I asked, and got an answer.

My question was, "why would we want to be stars? We will only burn ourselves out."

The answer was, "When you burn out bright, your light will last for millions of years, and even those millions of light years away can see you shine."

The more massive a star, the faster it will burn itself out. My mom once told me: "Don't try to be a hero. All heroes die young."

It's hard to be a star. The more massive you are, the more pressure is put on your core, and it is this pressure that causes you to break apart. It causes you to deplete your resources at an alarming rate, and will end with a supernova (the death of a star). Isn't it true amongst us? Celebrities, they face massive amounts of stress everyday. Everyone seems to be interested in their every move, everyone seems to be interested in everything they wear, eat, drink, use. What an immense amount of pressure.

A summary of what a star is made of, and how long it will burn. Seems like the hotter you are, the faster you die.

The bigger you are, the harder you fall.

But what are you made of? How brightly will you burn? How long will you last? Everyone is a star. Everyone's actions affect someone else. You are a star. Your actions affect me, affect your friends, affect your family.

So. What impact will you have when you finally fall into a supernova?

Nevermore?

2007-03-21T00:11:00.000+08:00

Nevermore (adverb. Poetic/Literary) - At no future time; never again.

I hate being me.

Some things that I want to - need to - say, but just can't, and it's bothering me, bothering me.

It's always the "not now, not today." then the "whoops, moment's gone."

Damn it.

Quoth the raven, `Nevermore.'

The Beautiful Letdown.

2007-03-19T21:35:00.000+08:00

I remember what i wanted to blog about, but somehow it doesn't sound so brilliant now.

I was real down just now. Had a long day at work. Did practically nothing till about a half hour before six when one of the staff asked me to check and set aside 300 boxes of pencils. After about 45min, I managed to check about 40. I can safely say that I have never encountered pencils that were so difficult to get out of the box before.

Headed down to school at around 6:30pm, and had to fight the evening crowd. Especially the people who love to push and shove their way into an empty seat. And it didn't help that people kept pushing against my backpack (which had my laptop inside).

Reached school dead on my feet. Went to change. Started training. And realised that I couldn't so much as hop without a sharp pain in my left knee. Had to sit out.

My grand mom is back in the hospital. She herself thinks that she may not make it to the end of the year.

Accompanied myself to a relatively small dinner. I'm strangely full though.

I couldn't help but feel slightly depressed today.

It's all right, I'm okay. I think God can explain.

I am blessed beyond measure. A beautiful letdown.

Why can't we all just keep it together?

2007-03-17T21:41:00.000+08:00

Celebrating my first post with spaces in the title.

(Wait ah, I go into my room. My mom's hokkien music is killing me. And it's set on "repeat".)

Okay.

I had something brilliant to blog about, but kinda forgot about it along the course of the day (t'was a long day). I'll share something else while I try to recollect.

On my way home (from school! On a Saturday! What a tragedy), I had a revelation (woohoo!) about well, life. Life is like a solar system (hear me out). The Son is the Sun (hah! a pun!), and everything else should rightly revolve around it. Trouble starts when we try to make something else (friends, family, work, school or Playstation 3) to centre of rotation (axis); things will spin out of control. Erm. and everything else was based on this.

Lately I've been listening to Snow Patrol (thanks Theresa! You're awesome. Sometimes. haha). I think they're pretty okay.

My mom is trying to match-make me to someone... hai. Like, not interested, mom.

Went for a jog today. and. I suck. haha. I ran 7 rounds in 17:30. Which means I fail my 2.4km run. ARGH! I think I should go train with the girls now.

Sorry, I was getting in touch with my feminine side (dang these dramas...)

I still can't remember that brilliant thing that I had in mind this morning.

hmm.

Maybe it's better than I don't remember then. Haha.

I should write something that makes sense.

Dead.

2007-03-17T09:22:00.000+08:00

Argh! i can't access http://www.guitar4christ.com ! And I haven't printed the chords yet!

shucks man.

I seem to be able to access all other web pages fine.

Help...!

Supernova.

2007-03-16T16:14:00.000+08:00

Bored again.

Today was worse than yesterday. I have no jobs so far. As in, not assigned to any. As usual, I'm sleepy.

And today, we shall all listen to myself talk about how I feel.

Or not.

Or I shall be treacherously ambiguous.

Or not.

Thank you for your poison. You're completely different from who you make yourself out to be. You tell me all about all the bad things you see in people, and how you wish the world would stop being so fake. But you fail to see the exact same character flaws in yourself. I may be the judgemental one here, but I'm only saying this cos I want to be honest to you. And I hope that instead of pushing me away, you'd listen, and tell me how you feel, so that both of us may grow as people.

I'm late on this, should have let it out earlier. Ah well. Better late than never. Forgive me on that part.

Thank you for your poison. I hope that I can be real. I am quiet, I am loud. I am shy, yet extroverted. I choose to see everything bad in me, but I push myself to overlook flaws in others. So thanks, guys, for listening to me complain about others. Thanks for letting me lash out. Cos if you hear me complain, you're probably one in a million to me.

Thank you, keeper of secrets. I just want you to know that whatever you may have done, you're still my friend, and I still love you.

I still can't think of what to say.

I want to hate you but I can't.

Hi mom, sorry that I'm not who you want me to be. Sorry that I cost you so much time and money, and so much pain.
Hi dad, I know that you want what's best for me, but sometimes you have to admit that what you want may not be best.

I am becoming increasingly random.

Thanks for your support, everyone. Sorry for the abuse. haha.

Ah well. My colleagues are like playing games as well. some of them, anyway.

and I ran out of brain power to fuel this train of thought.

Talk!

2007-03-15T13:05:00.000+08:00

I'm working!

Really hungry now.

And I just want to say thanks, Mr. Gary Quek, for being my friend. haha! You encourage me to work harder at life (which I don't, usually. haha).

And about being busy. This life I lead allows me hardly a time to spend with friends and family, but it has taught me one thing: that time does not come easy, so every extra hour I spend with someone should mean something extra special to me.

AND NO, GARY, WE WEREN'T TALKING ABOUT PRESENTS!

Thank you, everyone, for allowing me to share precious time with you. You change my life; every (irritating) one of you. And though it's not a very guy thing to say, I LOVE YOU (ah, I'm a sissy boy anyway).

Sudden Captain America obsession! I still can't believe he's dead.

My mind is in a hundred different places right now. Maybe it's cos my boss is talking to my colleague right behind me at this moment.

We shall continue this another day (tomorrow, if i still have no work to do).

taa taa.

InSession

2007-03-14T14:12:00.000+08:00

Hello. Blogging at work. Waiting for the work to come in, actually. You know design: most of the time, things are done last-minute. Whilst it's arguable that inspiration comes last minute, that seems to be the case often.

I want to change my blog skin. Don't really know how though. HTML is a pain to me... I'm thinking of something stencil-y. Like http://faile.net/ or the like. Mel, help!

Been really airy-fairy the past few days. The kind of feeling you get when you're half asleep; I call it sleeping awake. Been doing a lot of thinking, and then again, maybe not.

Been swapping between Easter drama, Talentime drama, CCA, work, and actually having a life. It's not that I dread the dramas or the work, it's just that I need to find a way to organise my time into a more efficient manner. Speaking of that, I should do some personal portfolio work whilst I'm here. Heh heh.

Trying to sleep early nowadays. Like before 2am. I slept at about 1am last night (yay!).

Watched 300 yesterday. It was. good. haha...

I wanna get a plain pure blue t-shirt and spray a white star on it. As a tribute to our dear Captain America.

There's something I've been meaning to do, but have been holding back on. I don't wanna do it on the phone, on msn, via sms, or e-mail (pleaase...), cos I feel that if I can't do it in person, I'm probably not worth it anyway (I am sooo gutless. Haha). Don't want to make a commitment unless I'm 200% sure, you know? Cos our mistakes do affect others. (:

Sudden inspiration! haha. Better do something more productive now.

ciao.

LetYourLoveBeStrong

2007-03-10T17:28:00.000+08:00

Okay. Story of today is, I left Bedok after CG thinking that I'll be late in getting to school. 'cept that I miscalculated and was there about an hour early. So I'm at home now...

Just as well though. I get to finish the drawings for Alan... And then probably turn up in school late anyway.

Okay. Finished it.

I'll upload the final artwork one day. the ones I just finished were drafts; the costume will probably change along the way. One day.

I was listening to blink 182 the other day.

Yeah, this is so much easier...

I never conquered, rarely came
16 just held such better days
Days when I still felt alive
We couldn't wait to get outside
The world was wide, too late to try
The tour was over we'd survived
I couldn't wait till I got home
To pass the time in my room alone

It made me think about the past, and how we all look back and think about the "good old days" and lose ourselves in reminisce (or horror, as is the case sometimes). Maybe things were better, so long ago (for some of us, sixteen was really very long ago).

Hey, stop dreaming.

Yesterday died (just like Captain America. Darn it!). I think to a certain extent, all of us would look back and think: things were so good back then. But when we were "back then", we still had our troubles, didn't we? It's just that when we look back now, we tend to filter out the bad parts. I'm sure that when I'm 25, I'll think back to right now and be all "I wish things were like the way they were back then".

Sure, We all miss Jurong West. I miss the street soccer, the basketball, the million and one kids (from Amber's cell group). I miss Aaron, I miss Adam, heck, I miss the days when I just went to church and used to stay over at the Low's house every sat. I miss eating lunch with Edmund Tay, with E316. I miss all that. and more. and I think we all do.

I had an image in my mind for the past few days. it's of a guy walking in a sandstorm, and the more he walks, the more pieces of him flake away to reveal that he's only a little boy.

And, as i predicted, i am already late. oh well. I can't train anyways. just going there to use my authority as president to make decisions for my club that will impact the lives of about 35 people (whew, stressed). Maybe later. so that i won't have to be there for too long. haha!

Hollow

2007-03-08T12:54:00.000+08:00

Old song. Oasis - Wonderwall. What's a Wonderwall, anyway?

Was talking to someone about someone concerning some stuff that happened some time back. haha. I must say, some things never change. Hope you're feeling better, babe (which is, incidentally, the name of a very famous pig. Sorry for the breaking of flow; t'was just an observation).

I got made fun of by Jared and David today. erh, next topic.

I managed to finish two 3D boats today (okay, one. but I fixed the rendering problem for the first one today). And while waiting for the things to render, I stole some songs from Lu's com. About 63 songs. Which is about 5 albums. Which is about S$89.75 (assuming each album costs S$17.95 each, like the ones I saw at HMV).

Wanted to buy my Canon 400D. I'm about S$1.7k short. The camera costs $1.7k. My mom's willing to give me $500, my dad's supposedly gonna pay the balance. He's a bit unreasonable though. He got pissed with me just because I was on the phone and didn't reply his message (I was gone for what, 45 minutes? C'mon). I really really need a camera though. I'm gonna have to earn most of my money with that thing for the rest of my career. I'm hoping for a blessing from someone, somewhere. I figure I'd rather spend on this one rather than make do with a whole load of useless cameras (my phone's more powerful than some of those so-called "cameras"). So yeah. Outright cry for help right now. I need money. I literally do not have a dollar to my name anymore.

Sorry, a bit distracted. A lot of things on my mind which I cannot say. I can't wait for Drama practice tomorrow. It's gonna be fantastic. I've said it before, I'll say it again. Drama fills up a part of my life that I can not live without. I hope that I wouldn't have to miss any, even when I'm in the army. I could probably help out backstage? Yeah.

Haha, I'm really, really distracted.

Another time then.
Love ya'll.

Awakening

2007-03-07T01:45:00.000+08:00

Been listening to this song lately. It's on Switchfoot's latest album, "Oh! Gravity."

Spent the last few minutes reading other people's blogs (I have superpowers that let me read at hyper-speed) whilst eating some cookies and cream ice cream (which is a LOT of cream. Dang, I'm supposed to be losing weight) when i realised that so many people are in the emotional, "love me when I'm gone", "down and out but will be back" sort of mood. I must be a bit out of flow here, cos I'm feeling strangely fine. haha!

Not to rub it in though, but I was just reminiscing about all the stuff that I've missed. Like Wendy's and Kim's and Sze Wing's birthdays (I did catch Wei Wen's dinner though). Like all the Leadership stuff. It's as if everyone's gonna be a cell leader soon, and I'm left way behind eating dirt. Like all the fellowship after cell group and service. Like all the stuff that's going on in my CCA group that I'm supposed to be informed about (cos I'm the president) but wasn't told. Like everything.

Sometimes I ask God whether I've really missed my chance to shine. Maybe I'm too far down, away from everything. Maybe I'm just a bad person.

But like the song says. Maybe it's called ambition, but you've been talking in your sleep about a dream

haha.

I've given up on all my pride. Content to live like a pauper for the people and the things that I love. Is there something more? I don't know. But to carry on, though you yourself are broken and defeated, though you fall apart at the seams, though you waste away with each step you take. To carry on still - that's living your faith, right?

I hope I'm real; cos I don't wanna lie to anyone. I've seen my heroes rise and fall, and I still look up to them.

I'm a joke to myself; I don't think I'm good for anything. Low self-esteem, maybe? Maybe. I just hope that the whos that i impact today will make up for the disappointments that i create in my own life.

there.

adding to the already over-populated list of depressed blogs. Don't get me wrong though. I'm just musing over the what-ifs and maybes in my life at the moment.

Cheer up, people. Life's worth living for.

Ohayo

2007-03-05T10:40:00.000+08:00

It's Monday morning! I'm tired.

Spent almost the whole of last night working out some 3D stuff for a client. Sucks! My worst subject is 3D. And I had to do it! For a REAL CLIENT (insert wailing and screaming and sulphur and brimstone)...!

The past two days were tiring, too.

Got played out on Friday. By a lot of things. I was. Disappointed.

Saturday was much better: Cell Group. and Alex was there. But. My hand crammed up, so i dropped my pick halfway through. At least I know the reason now; my pick is too stiff. I should find time to go buy a softer one.
Took a taxi to my senior's grad night. I think my juniors did a good job organising it (yes, I was busy, so I let the juniors do it), and it was *quite* fun. Saw one of my juniors cry. Ended up trying to console that person. In a cool, controlled, nonchalant way, of course.
Went for drinks at EskiBar. We managed to get everyone into the -10 degrees Celsius room. Needless to say, some of us were frozen solid and had to be carried out in cushioned stretchers in case they shatter. I realised that my tolerance for alcohol is very, very high. very. I'm serious. haha.
Shouted at another junior on the way to the MRT station. She was making a fool of herself (and, by implication, the whole club), so I shouted at her to "WAKE UP!". Some people thought that I was angry, but I really wasn't. I just thought that that kind of behaviour was irresponsible, even if she is among some friends (not all of us knew each other that day, too). This is one of the reasons why I can't join Children's Church as a helper; I'll scare the living crap out of all the kiddies! haha. Went back to HV after that for some coffee and chit chat with the other few who decided to stay behind.

Sunday got a bit better. managed to wake up early (i changed my alarm tone to something very very very shrill and irritating). Service was good, so let's skip that. Pastor talked about making an impact on society; about how faith and works go hand in hand (I mean, he was a lot more detailed and had a lot more interesting examples).
Drama prac after that (rather, the wait for drama prac to start, then drama prac). Hung out with some other cell groups cos my own cell went for Kim and Sze Wing's chalet. Aiya, seems like I miss all the good stuff.
-CENSORED-
Yup. Went for dinner with Wei Wen after that. At New York New York. Was fun! Really. I really enjoy hanging out like that, and I kinda miss the days when we could hang out often. You people are all the best friends ever (even if we do get on each other's nerves sometimes). Love y'all. (:

Haha. Now everyone's gonna know how my weekend was. Sorry that I'm boring. Nyah.

Oh yeah. I'M SOOOOOO NOT GONNA JOIN MANHUNT (even if I did give the announcements for the event)!!! I don't think I need any more attention, yeah? haha.

And. I have a revelation (saving the best for last). Well, sorta. Just thinking about time and all. I think that if you really want something, you wouldn't mind waiting forever for it (though we all want it to come like, NOW). I've been doing a lot of waiting the past three days: Drama, Wen's dinner, job assignment (boo hoo), etc. Right now I'm waiting till I have enough money to get that camera which I really really need but cannot cannot afford (Canon 400D SLR. Costs around $1.5k, but I saw one on discount at $1.1k). I guess I learned one thing from all this. Learned to wait in uncertainty. To walk blindly for a while in favour of achieving something higher. That's faith, isn't it. So I guess my faith grew a little this weekend. Haha. I think this whole paragraph will only make sense to me (and like, God), cos my topics are all mixed (in other words, lacking structure and subject matter). A throwback to an earlier revelation: I fight onward; not seeing yet, but still believing, for the heart of the King.

And if you have completely no idea what that sentence meant, then, um... Ask me? haha.

GoodAfternoon!

2007-03-02T12:12:00.000+08:00

Some stop-motion artists. These guys are really good. I'm jealous.

I was gonna say something, but on second thought, maybe not.

Oh, what the heck.

I wish people would stop complaining. It's a bad Singaporean thing to do. I mean, once in a blue moon, after a bad day, it feels good to cut loose and lash out. But not everyday is a bad day, and we shouldn't make it a habit to complain after every bad day, either.

One of my neighbours are cooking something really nice (so distracting).

Anyway. I feel that the converse is just as bad. To keep everything to yourself and not to tell a single soul. I mean, you may say that you can talk to God and feel better, but then again, God works through people, non?

I tend to keep a lot of things to myself. And once in a while, I do complain a lot. I guess I swing to the extremes. Complaining irritates those around you, but keeping things to yourself just make you a ticking time bomb.

I must be one of those mad people who update their blogs compulsively (OMG! I have OCD!). But I hope I make a good read. Hopefully I say something that will (umm) impact someone? Or maybe we're all entertained by quantity nowadays. Whichever way, thanks for reading. (:

For some reason, I'm sleepy. I'll change yesterday's statistics; I'm more than 40% done for the second ship. Just have to add in the comm tower at the back and all the pipes and stuff. simple cylinders and cubes will do. The ship's basic shape isn't very complicated after all. I'm just afraid (couldn't think of a better word) that my boss will call me. It's pretty tough to try to explain to people that you're efficient and not lazy (being serious here).

Oh shite. I owe my mom $120. haha.

I'll try not to update this blog tonight. heh...

GoodMorning!

2007-03-02T10:08:00.000+08:00

Hello.

I'm gonna give a sneak preview (because I'm so excited).

On a side note, I think I'm schizophrenic. I have the normal personality, and then the one that appears in the brackets giving all the snide comments. Two nicks in one body...

Anyway, check out our Birthday Present (all wrapped up) for Wei Wen. Only posting it because it doesn't matter if he sees it now (because it's already his birthday, anyway). I was gonna take a photo of the t-shirt, but it only came to my mind after I finished wrapping it (I'm such an idiot)...

(:

WEI WEN! thanks for being such a nice guy. And for saying all those silly things and giving us excuses to beat you up (haha!). Thanks for the fun and games, and thanks for sharing our pains (hey, that rhymes). Hope you get what you want this coming year (I hear she's single), and excel in everything that you do! Have a great Happy Birthday buddy! (:

Circa 2007.

PassedOutOnTheFloor

2007-03-01T21:49:00.000+08:00

My mom.

Me at 4:12am.

Me, stressed out by my 3D work.

Me with fake-o spectacles.

What a day... I'm *really* tired, and I'm not too sure why. ah haha.

Started out waking up much later than usual. Almost had an argument with my mom on the way to the coffee shop for breakfast. Almost. Phew. Had a cup of coffee and some fish soup for breakfast. Yeah, fish soup for breakfast (anyone got a problem with that?)

Took a bus to Lulu's house to start work. almost scared his maid to death (exaggeration) by letting myself in. Took a very very deep breath, and then started working on the 3D ships (see picture above) for Keppel harbour. Worked for 3 hours straight (no toilet breaks, no 15-minute naps, no shaking of legs), and managed to finish one ship. Got a call from a colleague asking why i wasn't at the office. Tried to tell her that the boss let me off, but decided that it's just gonna take up time, so i just said sorry.

Took a bus to Bugis. Passed by a Burger King and a KFC, and since I hadn't eaten lunch, decided to get a small bite. KFC seemed more appealing at that point in time. Walked to Suntec City CHC office. Spent the next two-and-a-half hours "reciting lines" (you'll find out). Walked over to Marina Square to buy something at Topman (the one at Suntec is closed; renovations). Stopped by SKIN to say hi to Vanessa. Bought what I needed to buy.

Walked to City Hall MRT station to take a bus back to Lulu's house. Overslept; ended up at Clementi interchange. Took a bus back to Lulu's house. Sat at the computer for half an hour. Completed about 40% of the second ship. Got an SMS from boss Terry asking me to do a third ship. Felt completely brain-dead by then, so I went back to Holland Village. Ran into Aunt Joan and her dad (Lulu's grand-dad) on my way out of the house. Met mom for dinner. She's as brain-dead as I was. Had herbal chicken with rice for dinner (not chicken rice). On the way home, bought some hair dye; gonna have to dye my hair back to black for Easter.

And, I just got home. I look exactly like how i did at 4:12am last night, sans the clothes (5 seconds... all right, now exactly the same). I am really tired. close to passing out on the floor (although, based on the size of my house, it's really improbable that I should fall asleep before reaching my bed).

Viola~ That was my 1st March 2007. Hope you had a good time reading. Au revoir.

2007-03-01T02:55:00.000+08:00

Okay! It's 3am, and I'm awake!

Somebody tranquillise me!

This is what i had for lunch. mmm...

I need sleep! If not my body is gonna break into a million pieces.

Ahhh!!!